A friendly visit? April 29, 2013
I was wrong. She didn’t take the photo she posted at her
father’s house, but at her best friend’s house in Haverton, Pennsylvania, and
the dog pictured, is most likely his.
This ties into the poem she posted to him – the analysis of
which I’ll probably do tomorrow, since it says a lot about her curtain condition.
She apparently used her iPad to check my webpage late last
night or early this morning, looking over a few pages I posted about modern feminism.
This came via a google search rather than the typical entry via my blog page link.
This is not the first time I’ve caught her searching out my
content, even though I’ve posted very little (consciously) about her since the
summer. Her IP address shows up so rarely, I assumed she had moved on from
thinking about me. In recent months, I have caught her on my pages only one
other time. Perhaps she thought it was safe for her to look at my pages from Haverton,
suggesting that perhaps over these months she had been on my pages more
frequently than I’ve been able to detect, using other IP addresses or a VPN to
hide her IP address.
The feminist essays may have intrigued her enough for her to
get careless, leaving a signature I can detect. (It is possible that her visits
are as a rare as they seem and that she is ignorant of the ability of people to
track IP addresses.
This is disturbing for several years, not least, is the
question whether or not her angry poem was written with me in mind.
And as the poem hinted at, she might be worried that I am
posting something about her, and may routinely do searches to make certain I’m
not.
This suggests that she is still wary or concerned about me.
The other issue involves her retreating to her sanctuary in
her best friend’s home. She always seeks him out when she is in the midst of a
crisis – an idea supported by her most recent poem about him. Her romantic
entanglement along with the Virgin Mayor’s legal troubles no doubt keep her up
at night.
The fact that she needs to check my website even when she is
seeking comfort of her friend suggests I’m still in the mix when I assumed I
was well out of her life.
The romantic disaster seems to take precedent over her
political woes, and could prompt her to finally make another leap – maybe take
another exotic vacation somewhere such as she did after she broke it off with
her chef in New York.
She might seek out some other place to go, although I’m told
she’s up for a hefty raise at her current job, and so this might tempt her to
remain, even at the risk of having her Virgin Mayor convicted.
I don’t know why she feels the need to look over her
shoulder to see if I’m behind her. I’m perfectly happy to observer her from afar,
to read her poetry and listen to her music.
Again, I’m perplexed by her angry poem and whom it might be
aimed at, her recent lover, her stalker from Brooklyn or possibly (and I dread
the idea of it) me.
At one time, very early in all this (but not for long), I
assumed I was more important to her than I actually was. Now, I think the exact
opposite, and like the idea that I’m not on her emotional radar.
If I am, why would I be more important (in a negative way)
to her than any of the other people who have come and gone from her life?
I hope to god all of this is merely coincidence – the checking
on my website and the poem that has haunting echoes of the past.
I love her poems, her music, her talent; I don’t love her.
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